Empty Houses

And I mean REALLY empty houses.
Like, without anything in them.

They freak me out.
And guess what I'm in right now?
That's right! And empty house.
Well, I guess it's not entirely empty, just four rooms all next to each other are empty. All the stuff is in our kitchen, family room, or garage. (Sitting at this computer is quite challenging. First I had to dig out a path to the actual computer, then I had to excavate the chair)
Walking around
is crazy.
We have a chandelier type light hanging in our dining room, above where the table would be.
Now that there's nothing there, I can walk right up to it and realize that I'm taller than it is, so unless I want a chandelier in my eye I have to duck.
Then, last night, when I was setting the alarm, I realized how much the sound travels in there. I had typed in one of the six digits when I stopped because there was this sound that I did't immediately place --the alarm system at our front door chirping as I typed them in at our back door. Even just touching the doorknob at our front door makes an amazingly loud sound that just echoes around three corners and back at me.
It's crazy, scary, and quite cool.

"Your kids are gonna hate you."

"Well then they can just suck it up and get a cool nickname. That's what I did."

Which is very true.
It may have taken me fourteen years to finally pick a good nickname (thanks to Spanish I actually did choose a good one...), but I'll have it for the rest of my life, right? And it's not like anyone from most of my earlier years will remember me or will likely interact with me later, so I could go by Ester ('Esther' in ingles) for the rest of my life and no one would be the wiser. Right?
And man, if my kids seriously thought "Loretta" or "Richard" was a crappy name, I can always go right back at them with "At least your name isn't a noun. And in all the church songs. Suck it up and get a cool nickname. That's what I did."
Then, of course, they will realize how stupid they were and be all "Oh yes you're so right. Thank you for not giving us names that we can look up in the dictionary to see the "n." next to it. You rock."
"Heck yes I do!"

So everyone remember:
If you can look up the name in Webster's Dictionary, the name sucks and your kids will hate you for the name until forever. Find some decent baby names on Google or something.


Hey. Whatever happened to "joy's gonna be a good mommy"? Hmmm?

"My mom already plagarized you. I think."

While on my mission trip to Cherokee, North Carolina, I made a breakthrough.
So one of the girls said that it was possible to swallow your tongue and die from it. After much debating, we verified its legitimacy and I realized the following;
You should always floss* your teeth

[*Floss really meaning brushing and flossing, it's all part of having a healthy mouth!]

because
you never know when you'd get so hungry that you would try to eat your tongue. And we all realize that eating your tongue would be horrid, since when you went to swallow it you would block up your wind pipes and die.

Horribly.

So, to make your death less horrible, it helps to have flossed* teeth, that way, no one will have to do it for you once you're dead, I mean really, who wants to floss a dead person's teeth? Certainly not me.

Then Jeanmarie thought she was gonna be all intelligent and added, "Yeah like you should always leave the house with clean underwear?"

I quickly disproved that theory.
Because, say you walked into your house for only a few minutes. According to that theory, you would then have to change into clean underwear. Jeanmarie agreed with me that that was a waste of cleanliness.

So there you have it, kids.
Never swallow your tongue unless you've flossed* your teeth.

The Cause of All That Exaggeration Is...

My father.
That idiot.
So he's talking to his sister for like, the first time all year, and he is giving her this bull story about my sister.
First, he tells my aunt that my sister had "three suitcases" when she went to Korea.
She had one suitcase and a carry-on backpack, but when she got to the airport her suitcase was too heavy so she had to move her books into another bag. So, she had basically one suitcase in two bags. Yeah.
Anyways, he told my aunt that of her "three suitcases," two of them got to Korea with her, and that the other one was in "Cincinnati."
Yeah.
It's in Pittsburgh.
This is coming from the man who does nothing but sleep and eat all day. And now sleeps while he eats because waking up for the forty five minutes it takes him to eat dinner is apparently too much for his feeble mind to handle.

Stupid batteries...

Someone
please explain to me
how
it is flipping possible
for a computer battery to go
from having
an hour and eleven minutes left before it dies
to suddenly only having
eight minutes left
in a matter of minutes.
I don't understand this freaking technology.
It's just like politics.
You want to know, and then
you realize that you don't fucking want to know at all.