Kids are awesome.

Earlier this week I went to La Casita to volunteer like I tend to do. This particular day I was all dressed up for my Spanish Honor Society Induction --heels, a skirt, perfume lotion, the like. I walk into the trailer and see that all the kids are reading. I sit down with two boys who are reading. Within a few minutes I hear "Who wants to go outside?" and the boys put their books away and everyone lines up. Standing in line, one of the girls grabs my hand and asks "Will you play with me?" On the way to the playground I tell her "What are we going to play? I can't get dirty today; I have a fancy ceremony to go to tonight." The boy walking with us piped up "Why? Are you getting married?"
It was hilarious.
So then the three of us play tag. I stayed on base the whole time. Then two swings freed up and I pushed the two of them. Well the girl got tired of that and for whatever reason she was smelling my arm. "You smell like flowers."
Supposedly my three bracelets smell like flowers too.
I really love La Casita.

Idiot heathens....

So these past few days, I've gotten pretty mad.
Saturday I finally tell my mom about this summer program I wanted to do over the summer (but figured the 2700$ price tag would hinder that) since she asked me about my summer plans. Then she proceeds to tell me that I'm too stupid to get into a good school. Sunday we get serious about this summer program, I go online only to discover that the one I wanted to do was not only completely full, but the wait list was closed. After that my mother tries to make it up to me by having me look at some of the colleges I want to go to and see what kinds of summer programs they offer. Yeah right.
Then, last night I couldn't get to sleep. The last dream I had was one where my mom had started eating the banana bread I made for Mr Stewart and G (of the three loaves, she has already consumed the first without permission). When I discovered this, I begin to scream at her about how I can't gift half of a loaf. When I wake up, I realize I might be late for class, so I rush out the door, forgetting to check my bread. Of course, when I get home, half of the fucking loaf is gone. It really fucking pissed me off. So I tell my mother about it in the car and she's all "You didn't tell me that." "Every time you asked I told you no." "You make very good bread."
Which is why she saved me one freaking slice of my first loaf.
These fucking idiots don't get it at all. No wonder I never make them stuff anymore... they're so damn greedy.

Why does this ring so true?

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don't get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life..
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor store's closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)


L.G. Fuad, Motion City Soundtrack