Life is a maze, and love is a riddle

There's this song I've been listening to today. "The Show" by Lenka. One of the lines got me thinking. The actual line is "I'm so scared but I don't show it." When I hear it, it sounds like "I'm so scared that I don't show it." Two very different things.

The second is really pretty true for me right now. I'm afraid that I don't do enough to show the people I care about that I truly love them. I never, never say it to my family. Some people that I actually mean it when I say it to overuse the phrase and I don't think they understand how much it means when I say it.

This Wednesday is my mom's birthday. I don't know what to give her, what to tell her, what to do for her to show that I appreciate her.

When it comes to the guys, I get really frozen. If I ever tell them those three words, it's normally right after they have. For some reason I just feel like it's so bogus and non-heartfelt to always have to use the same phrase. Then I never say it and feel like when something doesn't work out that it's my fault for not doing enough.

I won't grab someone's hand. I want them to take the initiative.

Though I'm entirely impatient with guys, I don't want to be the one to ask. I hate doing that. I will, without a second thought, get one of my friends to give someone a nudge in the right direction.

I have an incredibly difficult time saying "no" to someone. After going to prom sophomore year, I was convinced that I was going to end up marrying Levin just because I couldn't make myself say no. Thankfully, I quickly got out of that mindset.

One scene from Pride and Prejudice pretty much sums this thing up. After Mr. Collins' church service, when Lizzie finds out Mr. Darcy separated Jane and Charles, and there is quite the confrontation during a rainstorm. During this time, Lizzie tells Darcy how "Jane hardly reveals her true feelings to me!" her closest sister in age.

This has been my rant for the evening. I just kinda had to get it out there.



I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
Cause its to much, yea it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool, out of love
Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spot light
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time

It's a joke, nobody knows
They got to take it to the show
Yea

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show


--The Show, Lenka