Remembrances and recollections.
Tonight, all the networks are showing the season finales of all the best shows. I watched Ugly Betty on ABC and got to thinking.
At the end of the episode, Betty's father is trying to help her make up her mind about whether she goes on a trip to Rome with sandwich maker-Gio or move to Tuscon with Henry, who has just proposed. As Betty is comforted and supported by her dad, it made me realize (like so many things do) that I will never have that. Yes, I've told myself for years that I would be fine with that. It's just that seeing things that other people have and take for granted makes me want it. True, I've never taken the initiative to go visit him or to try to bond with him.
But I can't. I just can't. It's as simple as that.
Seeing him makes me sick. The smell, well, everyone knows that nursing homes have a scent to begin with, then pile on the fact that residents get showers two or three times a week. Yeah. Real pleasant.
I can't understand anything he says.
At the beginning all he could say was "Joy" and "Ruth." Somebody thought he either wanted his kids or a candy bar. Sucks to be Kristy. He couldn't say her name. Or my mom's.
Today I ran into Mrs. Rumble at the library. She asked me if I had been writing anything lately. I told her I was mostly blogging and trying to coast through college.
She reminded me that I write well.
It was totally unexpected and really pretty nice.
Ms. Farley referred to me as "great" in class. That was crazy.
Also unexpected and nice.
That got me thinking about how its been not even a month and I've already set myself above in three of my classes. In Political Science, I'm "Miss Academic Challenge," who can ace a test no problem. In Newswriting, Ms. Farley asked me if she was right. She's supposed to be the teacher, right? Then Intro to Electronic Media. Ms. Farley again. Basically the same story.
Why do I try so hard to excell? Am I craving attention or just looking to distance myself from others? I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out one of these days. Or years. Eventually. Right?
At the end of the episode, Betty's father is trying to help her make up her mind about whether she goes on a trip to Rome with sandwich maker-Gio or move to Tuscon with Henry, who has just proposed. As Betty is comforted and supported by her dad, it made me realize (like so many things do) that I will never have that. Yes, I've told myself for years that I would be fine with that. It's just that seeing things that other people have and take for granted makes me want it. True, I've never taken the initiative to go visit him or to try to bond with him.
But I can't. I just can't. It's as simple as that.
Seeing him makes me sick. The smell, well, everyone knows that nursing homes have a scent to begin with, then pile on the fact that residents get showers two or three times a week. Yeah. Real pleasant.
I can't understand anything he says.
At the beginning all he could say was "Joy" and "Ruth." Somebody thought he either wanted his kids or a candy bar. Sucks to be Kristy. He couldn't say her name. Or my mom's.
Today I ran into Mrs. Rumble at the library. She asked me if I had been writing anything lately. I told her I was mostly blogging and trying to coast through college.
She reminded me that I write well.
It was totally unexpected and really pretty nice.
Ms. Farley referred to me as "great" in class. That was crazy.
Also unexpected and nice.
That got me thinking about how its been not even a month and I've already set myself above in three of my classes. In Political Science, I'm "Miss Academic Challenge," who can ace a test no problem. In Newswriting, Ms. Farley asked me if she was right. She's supposed to be the teacher, right? Then Intro to Electronic Media. Ms. Farley again. Basically the same story.
Why do I try so hard to excell? Am I craving attention or just looking to distance myself from others? I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out one of these days. Or years. Eventually. Right?
posted by joy at 18.9.08
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