"Well there goes Oxy!"

Famous last words.
Famous last day.
Famous last DTCCACCTAC.
Famous first and last lacrosse banquet.
Famous first two plaques.
Famous last trip to McDonald's.
Famous trip (finally!) to the buffet.
That last one was a very interesting blend of CT and lacrosse memories.

Having the lacrosse banquet on the same night as the AC Awards Ceremony was odd. Even more odd was going to both of them. I left CT for almost an hour to go back to my middle school to have the lacrosse team assemble for dinner and awards. It was so bizarre. All these things... all these events of my life combined into one. G and Mr. Stafford rolled into almost one person, my experiences of AC and CT taken back to when I first started it all, the Academy.

Then having G tell the whole lacrosse family about how we met and completely butchering the story, well, that was kindof odd but it was really nice. The man pours his heart out to me, gives me my stuff, hugs me, and sends me on my way. But I couldn't just leave. I tried to walk out the door and just go back to Del Tech. But I got halfway out and I turned around and had to walk back in. Just like G told everyone he couldn't just hand me my award and have me walk out, I had to go back. I had to say something. I had no idea what, but I just had to make it seem like I cared enough about lacrosse to go back, say goodbye, and then leave. Get in my car and drive away while some people were still just walking in.

And showing back up at the Awards Ceremony. Standing there in my dress, eating chicken from the lacrosse dinner when people come up to me and tell me how dainty and such I look eating fried chicken in that dress. And rushing around, realizing that this is my last one. The last time I'll have to remember lines, the last time I'll have a costume change. As long as I try to stick around, I'll never be going back. Its over. Everything I've worked for for five long years in English class.... done. The thing that kept me in AC... done.

All I can think of are these two lines from the song:
"What are we going to do? Now it's all been said, No new ideas in the house and every book has been read"
So.... what are we going to do?


Don't believe what you hear
Don't believe what you see
If you just close your eyes
You can feel the enemy
When I first met you girl
You had fire in your soul
What happened your face of melting in snow?
Now it looks like this
And you can swallow
Or you can spit
You can throw it up
Or choke on it
And you can dream
So dream out loud
You know that your time is coming 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

No, nothing makes sense
Nothing seems to fit
I know you'd hit out
If you only knew who to hit
And I'd join the movement
If there was one I could believe in
Yeah I'd break bread and wine
If there was a church I could receive in
'Cause I need it now

To take the cup
To fill it up
To drink it slow
I can't let you go
I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud
And don't let the bastards grind you down

Oh, it hurts baby
What are we going to do? Now it's all been said
No new ideas in the house and every book has been read

And I must be an acrobat
To talk like this
And act like that
And you can dream
So dream out loud
And you can find
Your own way out
And you can build
And I can will
And you can call
I can't wait until
You can stash
And you can seize
In dreams begin
Responsibilities
And I can love
And I can love
And I know that the tide is turning 'round
So don't let the bastards grind you down

--Acrobat, U2

I can take or leave it if I please

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.

The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
'is it to be or not to be'
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you choose.

--Suicide is Painless, M*A*S*H*

I screamed this song a lot today.

Communication is a lot like the wind
When I speak it's like no one understands
And I'm left with empty hands forever
I can't speak.
So many things I'll never learn
You can't cross bridges that your burn

Why is life such an issue in your mind?
Why are the answers to my problems hard to find?
So hard to find, So hard to find

Don't forget to buckle when you fall
Beneath the pressure of the seconds
When your life became a screamer.
Staring at the sea, things become so small
I want movies of my dreams and pictures on my wall,
Pictures on my wall

You say that I'm a dreamer
I say you're a non-believer
Take out the light,
Take out the light, start screaming

I'm dreaming, I'm a dreamer
No one believes me and you don't either
Don't tell me what to do
Take out the light
Take out the light
Take out the light
Take out the light,
Start screamin.
Take out the light
Take out the light
Take out the light
Take out the light, start screamin.
Yeah

--Screamer, Good Charlotte